This was iTunes 2.3, released in September of 2004. New features included album artwork, lyrics, and the ability to actually play music files. It was also the first iTunes designed to ward off the undead.
Friday, September 3, 2010
iTunes Through The Years
This was iTunes 2.3, released in September of 2004. New features included album artwork, lyrics, and the ability to actually play music files. It was also the first iTunes designed to ward off the undead.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Unlikely Fact For 9/2/2010
Today marks the 25th anniversary of the "film" Back To The Toothbrush, which featured a young man (played by Aerosmith legend Steven Tyler) with poor dental health going back in time to give his young self some dental hygiene advice. It cost over 4 dollars to make, and made only 9 cents, making it the most expensive PSA ever developed.
Monday, August 23, 2010
If You Can't Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Marriage
The following is a conversation recorded by a device we have implanted in certain computers. Trust no one.
Benjamin Gaska 12:55 pm
It's very hot
Charlotte Gaska 12:56 pm
You said you would call Sears.
Benjamin Gaska 12:56 pm
I'll call tomorrow
Charlotte Gaska 12:56 pm
YOU WILL CALL TODAY OR I AM GETTING A DIVORCE
Benjamin Gaska 12:57 pm
FINE THEN IT'S NOT LIKE THE AIR CONDITIONING'S GOING TO MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A FRIGID B****
Charlotte Gaska 12:57 pm
F*** YOU
I DON'T NEED THIS
I HAD OPTIONS
YOU WERE MY BACK-UP PLAN
THAT HANDSOME DOCTOR RECENTLY LEFT HIS WIFE BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT SHE WAS CHEATING ON HIM WITH HIS DAD
I'LL GO TO HIM
Benjamin Gaska 12:58 pm
WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED SEARS YOURSELF I KNOW YOU CAN USE A PHONE YOU TALK ON IT TWENTY HOURS A DAY
Charlotte Gaska 12:58 pm
I'M NOT HEARING YOU ANYMORE
Benjamin Gaska 12:58 pm
YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE ME FOR MY SON
THAT WOULD MAKE THE FAMILY TREE TOO CONVOLUTED AND YOU KNOW I LOVE CHARTING OUT OUR FAMILY TREE
Charlotte Gaska 12:58 pm
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS FAMILY TREE
I'M GOING TO JAM IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR USELESS URETHRA
IT'S A DAMN MIRACLE WE EVEN HAVE A SON
BY THE WAY SINCE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU WON'T BE USING THE PHONE DO YOU MIND IF I CALL MY LAWYER
AND FILE FOR DIVORCE
Benjamin Gaska 12:59 pm
HE'S NOT YOUR REAL SON, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT YOU WERE NEVER PREGNANT OR GAVE BIRTH
Charlotte Gaska 1:00 pm
IT WAS PROBABLY ALL THOSE DRUGS YOU SOLD ME
Benjamin Gaska 1:00 pm
THAT WASN'T ME THAT WAS MY DAD
OUR FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE TROUBLED
Charlotte Gaska 1:01 pm
I THOUGHT YOUR DAD WAS DEAD
I CAN'T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF WHOSE DAD IS WHOSE AND WHO OUR SON IS ANYMORE
Benjamin Gaska 1:01 pm
YEAH, BUT YOU STARTED YOUR DRUG PROBLEM 20 YEARS AGO
HE WAS ALIVE THEN THERE IS SUCH A THING AS PAST EVENTS
THAT'S WHY WE TRIED TO INTEVENE WITH YOUR DRUG PROBLEM BUT ALL YOU DID WAS SECRETLY INJECT ME WITH HEROIN AS I SLEPT SO I GOT ADDICTED AS WELL
THAT IS, IN FACT, ONE OF THE REASONS WE CAN'T AFFORD AIR CONDITIONING.
Charlotte Gaska 1:03 pm
AFTER I GET OFF OUR PHONE (WHICH WORKS, WHICH YOU COULD HAVE USED TO CALL SEARS) I AM CALLING THAT HANDSOME DOCTOR AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE LIKE A MILLION BABIES
AND YOU CAN''T EVER EVEN HAVE ONE
Benjamin Gaska 1:04 pm
WELL I WOULD HAVE HAD 10 BABIES ALREADY IF I HADN'T HAD TO SELL THEM FOR OUR HEROIN
I DID IT ALL FOR YOU HONEY
Charlotte Gaska 1:04 pm
IT'S TOO LITTLE TOO LATE
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE IT GOT TOO HOT
Our records end there. We’ll tell you more as it happens.
Benjamin Gaska 12:55 pm
It's very hot
Charlotte Gaska 12:56 pm
You said you would call Sears.
Benjamin Gaska 12:56 pm
I'll call tomorrow
Charlotte Gaska 12:56 pm
YOU WILL CALL TODAY OR I AM GETTING A DIVORCE
Benjamin Gaska 12:57 pm
FINE THEN IT'S NOT LIKE THE AIR CONDITIONING'S GOING TO MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A FRIGID B****
Charlotte Gaska 12:57 pm
F*** YOU
I DON'T NEED THIS
I HAD OPTIONS
YOU WERE MY BACK-UP PLAN
THAT HANDSOME DOCTOR RECENTLY LEFT HIS WIFE BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT SHE WAS CHEATING ON HIM WITH HIS DAD
I'LL GO TO HIM
Benjamin Gaska 12:58 pm
WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED SEARS YOURSELF I KNOW YOU CAN USE A PHONE YOU TALK ON IT TWENTY HOURS A DAY
Charlotte Gaska 12:58 pm
I'M NOT HEARING YOU ANYMORE
Benjamin Gaska 12:58 pm
YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE ME FOR MY SON
THAT WOULD MAKE THE FAMILY TREE TOO CONVOLUTED AND YOU KNOW I LOVE CHARTING OUT OUR FAMILY TREE
Charlotte Gaska 12:58 pm
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS FAMILY TREE
I'M GOING TO JAM IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR USELESS URETHRA
IT'S A DAMN MIRACLE WE EVEN HAVE A SON
BY THE WAY SINCE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU WON'T BE USING THE PHONE DO YOU MIND IF I CALL MY LAWYER
AND FILE FOR DIVORCE
Benjamin Gaska 12:59 pm
HE'S NOT YOUR REAL SON, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT YOU WERE NEVER PREGNANT OR GAVE BIRTH
Charlotte Gaska 1:00 pm
IT WAS PROBABLY ALL THOSE DRUGS YOU SOLD ME
Benjamin Gaska 1:00 pm
THAT WASN'T ME THAT WAS MY DAD
OUR FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE TROUBLED
Charlotte Gaska 1:01 pm
I THOUGHT YOUR DAD WAS DEAD
I CAN'T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF WHOSE DAD IS WHOSE AND WHO OUR SON IS ANYMORE
Benjamin Gaska 1:01 pm
YEAH, BUT YOU STARTED YOUR DRUG PROBLEM 20 YEARS AGO
HE WAS ALIVE THEN THERE IS SUCH A THING AS PAST EVENTS
THAT'S WHY WE TRIED TO INTEVENE WITH YOUR DRUG PROBLEM BUT ALL YOU DID WAS SECRETLY INJECT ME WITH HEROIN AS I SLEPT SO I GOT ADDICTED AS WELL
THAT IS, IN FACT, ONE OF THE REASONS WE CAN'T AFFORD AIR CONDITIONING.
Charlotte Gaska 1:03 pm
AFTER I GET OFF OUR PHONE (WHICH WORKS, WHICH YOU COULD HAVE USED TO CALL SEARS) I AM CALLING THAT HANDSOME DOCTOR AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE LIKE A MILLION BABIES
AND YOU CAN''T EVER EVEN HAVE ONE
Benjamin Gaska 1:04 pm
WELL I WOULD HAVE HAD 10 BABIES ALREADY IF I HADN'T HAD TO SELL THEM FOR OUR HEROIN
I DID IT ALL FOR YOU HONEY
Charlotte Gaska 1:04 pm
IT'S TOO LITTLE TOO LATE
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE IT GOT TOO HOT
Our records end there. We’ll tell you more as it happens.
Candid* Confessions
Assisting the author today: Phil Amrahd
Richard Malkin, taxi cab driver, age 46, New York, New York: “Yesterday I went into a thrift store and tried on women's jeans. I am a size six. I was heartbroken to discover I am not a size five.”
*Related: you can view Richard's obituary on page 3.
Sam Shepard, doorman, age 59, Los Angeles, California: “When I was twelve years old I tore the legs off of my pet frog and blamed it on my dog. Mr. Hoppy was no longer hoppy. He lived for six more years. Occasionally he would look at me accusingly, and the guilt drove me to quit high school and become a doorman. Every time I turned on Frogger, I would hear a slow moan coming from his tank...I couldn’t tell if it was a coincidence or if it was his form of escapism, though I don’t believe frogs are capable of understanding escapism.”
Theresa Littleton, retired, age 73, Ontario, Canada: “Last week I bought drugs from a youth on the street. I had never used drugs before, and I have never felt more alive. I think I punched my husband in the throat. He’s been dead for five years. Who did I punch!?”
Carmen Musifun, age 23, flight attendant, Sydney, Australia: “The other day I promised a bunch of people who read this thing I do that I'd grant them a wish. I am in some serious trouble. F***.”
Richard Malkin, taxi cab driver, age 46, New York, New York: “Yesterday I went into a thrift store and tried on women's jeans. I am a size six. I was heartbroken to discover I am not a size five.”
*Related: you can view Richard's obituary on page 3.
Sam Shepard, doorman, age 59, Los Angeles, California: “When I was twelve years old I tore the legs off of my pet frog and blamed it on my dog. Mr. Hoppy was no longer hoppy. He lived for six more years. Occasionally he would look at me accusingly, and the guilt drove me to quit high school and become a doorman. Every time I turned on Frogger, I would hear a slow moan coming from his tank...I couldn’t tell if it was a coincidence or if it was his form of escapism, though I don’t believe frogs are capable of understanding escapism.”
Theresa Littleton, retired, age 73, Ontario, Canada: “Last week I bought drugs from a youth on the street. I had never used drugs before, and I have never felt more alive. I think I punched my husband in the throat. He’s been dead for five years. Who did I punch!?”
Carmen Musifun, age 23, flight attendant, Sydney, Australia: “The other day I promised a bunch of people who read this thing I do that I'd grant them a wish. I am in some serious trouble. F***.”
Unlikely Facts for 8/23/2010
•The highest grossing film of all time is Gone with the Wind. The term “gross” originated when movie producers saw how much money they had made. They said “this is wicked gross, dude.”
•Mark Twain’s older brother, David “Hickory” Twain died this day in 1901 from a cannonball to the chest. His last words were reportedly “There’s no way, you’re half-blind and 200 yards away. Also you’re firing in the wrong direction.”
•The average human belch contains the belcher’s darkest secrets, but you have to be listening very carefully to hear them.
•The rhinoceros has been known to charge without provocation, but in reality they just think you’re a total loser and deserve to be rhinoceros’d.
•The inventor of Axe bodyspray was a man named Daniel Axe. Before hitting it big in the highly-competitive bodyspray industry, he was a nature conservationist and a park ranger. I bet you thought I was going to say lumberjack.
*Bonus unlikely fact: this entire entry has been a palindrome.
•Mark Twain’s older brother, David “Hickory” Twain died this day in 1901 from a cannonball to the chest. His last words were reportedly “There’s no way, you’re half-blind and 200 yards away. Also you’re firing in the wrong direction.”
•The average human belch contains the belcher’s darkest secrets, but you have to be listening very carefully to hear them.
•The rhinoceros has been known to charge without provocation, but in reality they just think you’re a total loser and deserve to be rhinoceros’d.
•The inventor of Axe bodyspray was a man named Daniel Axe. Before hitting it big in the highly-competitive bodyspray industry, he was a nature conservationist and a park ranger. I bet you thought I was going to say lumberjack.
*Bonus unlikely fact: this entire entry has been a palindrome.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Unlikely Facts for 8/22/2010
• Late last night, an ice cream parlor in “Joaquin” Phoenix, Arizona, suddenly caught fire. No people were harmed, but the firemen called to the scene did not appreciate the irony of a burning ice cream parlor.
• There were once over eighteen Carolinas. We've slowly managed to merge them into just two now, but the containment is difficult.
• The South African Hurleybird has finally been hunted to extinction. It was also improperly named, as no Hurleybirds have ever even been seen in South Africa.
• Lighthouses were invented by Alec Eiffel, notable architect of the Eiffel Tower. Before he thoughtfully invented lighthouses, people never traveled by boat, as they couldn’t see the shoreline approaching. Or the sea monsters. Thankfully, after the first lighthouse was constructed, sea monster activity decreased dramatically.
• A parrot with laryngitis was discovered this weekend in London. Though it was one of those really annoying parrots that just bothered the hell out of everyone, so it was actually a blessing in disguise.
• There were once over eighteen Carolinas. We've slowly managed to merge them into just two now, but the containment is difficult.
• The South African Hurleybird has finally been hunted to extinction. It was also improperly named, as no Hurleybirds have ever even been seen in South Africa.
• Lighthouses were invented by Alec Eiffel, notable architect of the Eiffel Tower. Before he thoughtfully invented lighthouses, people never traveled by boat, as they couldn’t see the shoreline approaching. Or the sea monsters. Thankfully, after the first lighthouse was constructed, sea monster activity decreased dramatically.
• A parrot with laryngitis was discovered this weekend in London. Though it was one of those really annoying parrots that just bothered the hell out of everyone, so it was actually a blessing in disguise.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Unlikely Facts for 8/21/2010
• As the author Arthur C. Clarke once said, “Sufficient technology is indistinguishable from magic.” Unfortunately, technology has yet to develop an efficient way to pull a rabbit out of a hat.
• The traditional pizza has been around for centuries, but not much is known about its origins. I hear they come from a land Down Under.
• French, Spanish, and Italian (along with several others) are known as the Romance languages. This name comes from the half-French, half-Spanish, half-Italian (you should have seen this guy, three halves…he could use some reconstructive surgery) Explorer Emilio Giuseppe Jacques Romance, whose remains were recently recovered from the belly of an ancient sea monster.
• Several videogame developers have reported an increase in sales recently, probably because videogames are the only safe way to prepare our youth for the horrors of fast-food labor. Burger Time was never like this.
• People with green eyes cannot see dogs. Or what makes kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I imagine their lives are very difficult.
• The traditional pizza has been around for centuries, but not much is known about its origins. I hear they come from a land Down Under.
• French, Spanish, and Italian (along with several others) are known as the Romance languages. This name comes from the half-French, half-Spanish, half-Italian (you should have seen this guy, three halves…he could use some reconstructive surgery) Explorer Emilio Giuseppe Jacques Romance, whose remains were recently recovered from the belly of an ancient sea monster.
• Several videogame developers have reported an increase in sales recently, probably because videogames are the only safe way to prepare our youth for the horrors of fast-food labor. Burger Time was never like this.
• People with green eyes cannot see dogs. Or what makes kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I imagine their lives are very difficult.
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