If You Can't Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Marriage

The following is a conversation recorded by a device we have implanted in certain computers. Trust no one.

Benjamin Gaska 12:55 pm
It's very hot

Charlotte Gaska 12:56 pm
You said you would call Sears.

Benjamin Gaska 12:56 pm
I'll call tomorrow

Charlotte Gaska 12:56 pm
YOU WILL CALL TODAY OR I AM GETTING A DIVORCE

Benjamin Gaska 12:57 pm
FINE THEN IT'S NOT LIKE THE AIR CONDITIONING'S GOING TO MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A FRIGID B****

Charlotte Gaska 12:57 pm
F*** YOU
I DON'T NEED THIS
I HAD OPTIONS
YOU WERE MY BACK-UP PLAN
THAT HANDSOME DOCTOR RECENTLY LEFT HIS WIFE BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT SHE WAS CHEATING ON HIM WITH HIS DAD
I'LL GO TO HIM

Benjamin Gaska 12:58 pm
WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED SEARS YOURSELF I KNOW YOU CAN USE A PHONE YOU TALK ON IT TWENTY HOURS A DAY

Charlotte Gaska 12:58 pm
I'M NOT HEARING YOU ANYMORE

Benjamin Gaska 12:58 pm
YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE ME FOR MY SON
THAT WOULD MAKE THE FAMILY TREE TOO CONVOLUTED AND YOU KNOW I LOVE CHARTING OUT OUR FAMILY TREE

Charlotte Gaska 12:58 pm
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS FAMILY TREE
I'M GOING TO JAM IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR USELESS URETHRA
IT'S A DAMN MIRACLE WE EVEN HAVE A SON
BY THE WAY SINCE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU WON'T BE USING THE PHONE DO YOU MIND IF I CALL MY LAWYER
AND FILE FOR DIVORCE

Benjamin Gaska 12:59 pm
HE'S NOT YOUR REAL SON, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT YOU WERE NEVER PREGNANT OR GAVE BIRTH

Charlotte Gaska 1:00 pm
IT WAS PROBABLY ALL THOSE DRUGS YOU SOLD ME

Benjamin Gaska 1:00 pm
THAT WASN'T ME THAT WAS MY DAD
OUR FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE TROUBLED

Charlotte Gaska 1:01 pm
I THOUGHT YOUR DAD WAS DEAD
I CAN'T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF WHOSE DAD IS WHOSE AND WHO OUR SON IS ANYMORE

Benjamin Gaska 1:01 pm
YEAH, BUT YOU STARTED YOUR DRUG PROBLEM 20 YEARS AGO
HE WAS ALIVE THEN THERE IS SUCH A THING AS PAST EVENTS
THAT'S WHY WE TRIED TO INTEVENE WITH YOUR DRUG PROBLEM BUT ALL YOU DID WAS SECRETLY INJECT ME WITH HEROIN AS I SLEPT SO I GOT ADDICTED AS WELL
THAT IS, IN FACT, ONE OF THE REASONS WE CAN'T AFFORD AIR CONDITIONING.

Charlotte Gaska 1:03 pm
AFTER I GET OFF OUR PHONE (WHICH WORKS, WHICH YOU COULD HAVE USED TO CALL SEARS) I AM CALLING THAT HANDSOME DOCTOR AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE LIKE A MILLION BABIES
AND YOU CAN''T EVER EVEN HAVE ONE

Benjamin Gaska 1:04 pm
WELL I WOULD HAVE HAD 10 BABIES ALREADY IF I HADN'T HAD TO SELL THEM FOR OUR HEROIN
I DID IT ALL FOR YOU HONEY

Charlotte Gaska 1:04 pm
IT'S TOO LITTLE TOO LATE
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE IT GOT TOO HOT

Our records end there. We’ll tell you more as it happens.