• Late last night, an ice cream parlor in “Joaquin” Phoenix, Arizona, suddenly caught fire. No people were harmed, but the firemen called to the scene did not appreciate the irony of a burning ice cream parlor.
• There were once over eighteen Carolinas. We've slowly managed to merge them into just two now, but the containment is difficult.
• The South African Hurleybird has finally been hunted to extinction. It was also improperly named, as no Hurleybirds have ever even been seen in South Africa.
• Lighthouses were invented by Alec Eiffel, notable architect of the Eiffel Tower. Before he thoughtfully invented lighthouses, people never traveled by boat, as they couldn’t see the shoreline approaching. Or the sea monsters. Thankfully, after the first lighthouse was constructed, sea monster activity decreased dramatically.
• A parrot with laryngitis was discovered this weekend in London. Though it was one of those really annoying parrots that just bothered the hell out of everyone, so it was actually a blessing in disguise.
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